Your partner may come up with a dozen excuses to say "Not tonight, dear, I have a ____," but how many reasons can the two of you name for seeking sex?
One? Two? Twenty? How about 200? Some college students have cited as many as 237 different reasons for having sex.
From pleasure to procreation, insecurity to inquisitiveness -- todays reasons for taking a roll in the hay seem to vary as much as the terms for the deed itself. A 2010 Sexuality & Culture review of sex motivation studies states that people are offering "far more reasons for choosing to engage in sexual activity than in former times." And were doing it more often, too. It is a stark contrast from historical assumptions, which tend to cite only three sexual motivators: To make babies, to feel good, or because youre in love.
Today, sexual behaviors seem to have taken on many different psychological, social, cultural, even religious meanings. Yet, some sexologists say, at the most basic level, there is only one true reason people seek sex.
The idea that humans are hard-wired for sex lects an evolutionary perspective, says Elaine Hatfield, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Hawaii and author of that 2010 review examining sexual motives from cross-cultural, historical, and evolutionary viewpoints.
"Evolutionary theorists point out that a desire for sexual relations is wired in in order to promote species survival," she tells WebMD in an email. "Cultural theorists tend to focus on the cultural and personal reasons people have (or avoid) sex. Cultures differ markedly in what are considered to be appropriate reasons for having or avoiding sex."
Richard Carroll has been counseling couples with sexual issues for more than two decades. "Women actually become more like men over time, in the sense that often early on, sex is about initiating, developing, strengthening, and maintaining relationships, but in a long-term relationship they can actually begin to focus on the pleasure of it."
Despite the generalities, research suggests that there has been a big convergence in sexual attitudes among men and women in recent years. In 1985, Janell Carroll and colleagues found that most college-aged males had casual sex for physical reasons, without emotional attachments. She repeated many of the same study questions to a new audience in 2006, and is working toward publishing her results.
"Instead of men and women being at opposite ends of the sexual spectrum, they are now coming together," she tells WebMD. "More women might be having sex for physical reasons, but many more men were more likely to say they had sex for emotional reasons."
Understanding why people seek sex is not always a simple task. Most studies have involved college undergraduates, a "sample of convenience" for university researchers, but one that is often very limiting. Such young men and women typically havent been in very committed relationships and are in the process of discovering their sexuality. Their answers to "why do you have sex" are often greatly tied to the image of themselves and their social relationships, says Richard Carroll. This can change over time.
But such knowledge can improve a couples sex life.
One? Two? Twenty? How about 200? Some college students have cited as many as 237 different reasons for having sex.
From pleasure to procreation, insecurity to inquisitiveness -- todays reasons for taking a roll in the hay seem to vary as much as the terms for the deed itself. A 2010 Sexuality & Culture review of sex motivation studies states that people are offering "far more reasons for choosing to engage in sexual activity than in former times." And were doing it more often, too. It is a stark contrast from historical assumptions, which tend to cite only three sexual motivators: To make babies, to feel good, or because youre in love.
Today, sexual behaviors seem to have taken on many different psychological, social, cultural, even religious meanings. Yet, some sexologists say, at the most basic level, there is only one true reason people seek sex.
Wired for Sex
"We are programmed to do so. Asking why people have sex is akin to asking why we eat. Our brains are designed to motivate us toward that behavior," says Richard A. Carroll, PhD, a sex therapist and associate professor in the department of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine.The idea that humans are hard-wired for sex lects an evolutionary perspective, says Elaine Hatfield, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Hawaii and author of that 2010 review examining sexual motives from cross-cultural, historical, and evolutionary viewpoints.
"Evolutionary theorists point out that a desire for sexual relations is wired in in order to promote species survival," she tells WebMD in an email. "Cultural theorists tend to focus on the cultural and personal reasons people have (or avoid) sex. Cultures differ markedly in what are considered to be appropriate reasons for having or avoiding sex."
Whats Your Motive?
Why do you seek sex? Motivations generally fall into four main categories, according to psychologists at UT-Austin, who asked more than 1,500 undergraduate college students about their sexual attitudes and experiences.- Physical reasons: Pleasure, stress relief, exercise, sexual curiosity, or attraction to a person.
- Goal-based reasons: To make a baby, improve social status (for example, to become popular), or seek revenge.
- Emotional reasons: Love, commitment, and gratitude.
- Insecurity reasons: To boost self-esteem, keep a partner from seeking sex elsewhere, or because of a feeling of duty or pressure (for example, a partner insists on having sex).
The Difference Between the Sexes
Generally speaking, men seek sex because they like how it feels. Women, although they very well may also derive pleasure from the act, are generally more interested in the relationship enhancement aspects of sex. Researchers describe these differences as body-centered versus person-centered sex.- Body-centered sex is when you have sex because you like the way it makes your body feel. You are not really caring about the emotions of your partner.
- Person-centered sex is when you have sex to connect with the other person. You care about the emotions involved and the relationship.
The Difference Between the Sexes continued...
"Men often start out being body centered," says Janell Carroll, PhD, adjunct professor of psychology at the University of Hartford and author of a human sexuality textbook (no relation to Richard Carroll). "But that changes later on. As men reach their 40s, 50s, and 60s, their relationship becomes more important."Richard Carroll has been counseling couples with sexual issues for more than two decades. "Women actually become more like men over time, in the sense that often early on, sex is about initiating, developing, strengthening, and maintaining relationships, but in a long-term relationship they can actually begin to focus on the pleasure of it."
Despite the generalities, research suggests that there has been a big convergence in sexual attitudes among men and women in recent years. In 1985, Janell Carroll and colleagues found that most college-aged males had casual sex for physical reasons, without emotional attachments. She repeated many of the same study questions to a new audience in 2006, and is working toward publishing her results.
"Instead of men and women being at opposite ends of the sexual spectrum, they are now coming together," she tells WebMD. "More women might be having sex for physical reasons, but many more men were more likely to say they had sex for emotional reasons."
20 Reasons People Have Sex
Stressed out? Have sex. Stress reduction is one of the leading reasons Americans, particularly men, say they have sex, says Richard Caroll. The review, published online in Sexuality & Culture, shows other most frequently cited reasons for having sex include:- Boosting mood and relieving depression
- Duty
- Enhancement of power
- Enhancement of self-concept
- Experiencing the power of one’s partner
- Feeling loved by your partner
- Fostering jealousy
- Improve reputation or social status
- Making money
- Making babies (procreation)
- Need for affection
- Nurturance
- Partner novelty
- Peer pressure or pressure from partner
- Pleasure
- Reduce sex drive
- Revenge
- Sexual curiosity
- Showing love to your partner
- Spiritual transcendence
Understanding why people seek sex is not always a simple task. Most studies have involved college undergraduates, a "sample of convenience" for university researchers, but one that is often very limiting. Such young men and women typically havent been in very committed relationships and are in the process of discovering their sexuality. Their answers to "why do you have sex" are often greatly tied to the image of themselves and their social relationships, says Richard Carroll. This can change over time.
But such knowledge can improve a couples sex life.
